Thank God for Geneen Roth

I started off my day with some reading, which is usually the case for me. It helps me wake up and join the world on an intellectual note. Okay, so sometimes my reading is not all that intellectual (think any Jodi Picoult novel), but this morning, I picked up the copy of Geneen Roth's Feeding the Hungry Heart that I picked up from the library. Have you ever read a book and been overwhelmed with gratitude that the author put their thoughts out there for the world to see? That's how I feel about Geneen Roth. Her writing career has been dedicated to the experience of and healing from disordered eating, but she doesn't give details of a new diet or exercise program. Instead, her writing urges the reader to take back their power and heal the emotional issues that cause disordered eating in the first place. Let me tell you, it's tough, and she doesn't pretend that it isn't.

My weight has been an issue for me since i was 9 years old. That's when I was first put on a diet. I don't know if my pediatrician recommended it to my parents or if it was something that they thought was necessary, but I have always had hard feelings toward my Mom for putting me on that first diet. It has led to a lifetime of weighing and measuring food, weighing and measuring myself, defining good foods, defining bad foods, berating myself for "falling off the wagon," and spending way more money than should have been spent on diet plans, products, and gizmos. And now, at 35, I AM TIRED. The one thing that I am sure of with regards to my weight is that traditional diet plans do not work for me. A binge inevitably follows, as do the self-deprecating thoughts. The last thing I need is another diet.

So, I'm going in a different direction. A more gentle and self-loving direction. I am going to eat. I am going to enjoy what I eat. I am going to enjoy time spent with friends and family in restaurants instead of counting calories, points, fat grams, etc. I am going to pay attention to my body for the first time since I was 9. I'll do the quick math for you - it's been 26 YEARS since I paid attention to what my body really wants and needs. That's crazy. How much time have I spent addressing my weight without listening to my body?

When I'm hungry, I will eat. When I'm not, I will challenge myself to figure out what's really going on and address the issues with something other than food. I will not eat what I don't like simply because "I should." I will free myself from the years of shoulds, have tos, and don'ts that I have bombarded myself with. And I will be free to eat with gusto and joy.